Turn Out the Lights, The Party's Over

This will be my last blog entry in this forum.

I don't know what to say really. I have debated long and hard whether or not to give a reason. Mostly, I just recognize that blogspot is not an honest place to express my feelings. Too many lurkers read this blog without the pure intentions that most of my readers have.

And one lurker in particular whose intentions remain dubious still haunts my blog and a weekly basis. She has been the knife in my heart for 6 years now (over 4 since our big breakup) and yet she STILL checks this blog on an almost weekly basis. My blog tracker tells me she has still been doing this EVEN in my absence from posting.

Why?! What is the motivation for this? Why torture me still? Have you not done enough? Well I can't go on like this. I have to move on. One of my teens finally did me the favor of deleting her number from my phone last Sunday. I had still be carrying it faithfully hoping that she would someday call and I might need it once again.

Regardless, it has not been fair for her come back into my life last Summer, promise me the world, and then kick me out again, all the while expecting to stay updated in mine. I tolerated it until now in the vail hope that somehow maybe if I left the door open she would someday show up at my door and marry me. But it is time to face reality.

So goodbye readers. Some of you will be missed.

Goodbye Laura. I think it's time you moved on. If you wanted me you should have been honest with me when you had the chance. All you ever had to do to win me back was to show up. But you haven't and it's time I really make an effort to move on myself.

Not sure

I may be burned out on the blogging thing or I may just switch it to my myspace. I haven't decided yet. All in all I am fine, except that the Cowboys stink and I am pretty bitter about that. Thanks for everyone's concern, though.

God Bless America

I saw VH1's top 20 video countdown today while I was on the treadmill and it certainly did not escape my notice that Weird Al's "White and Nerdy" is STILL the #1 music video according to the people that call in and vote.

God bless America and Weird Al Yankovic. As groggy as I was, I am pretty sure getting "White and Nerdy" stuck in my head was the only way I could make it through this morning's workout. The greatest part of it is knowing that due to parody laws the rapper Chamelion doesn't get a dime.

When I Survey the Wondrous Cross

I head a Michael W. Smith version of this song on the radio and it just about moved me to tears because I think I maybe heard the words for the first time. So I want to type them for you here with some emphases in areas I thought were particular meaningful to me. Isaac Watts was definitely one of the greats wasn't he? You know you're good when 300 years after you write your stuff, you cause youth ministers to have to pull the car off the road to "take a minute" on their way to work.

When I survey the wondrous cross on which the Prince of glroy died,
My richest gain, I count but loss and POUR CONTEMPT ON ALL MY PRIDE.

Forbid it Lord that I should boast save in the death of Christ my Lord.
All the VAIN THINGS that charm me most, I SACRIFICE THEM to his blood.

See, from His head, His hands, His feet sorrow and love flow mingled down.
Did (ever) such love or sorrow meet? Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

Were the whole realm of nature mine that were a present far too small.
LOVE SO AMAZING SO DIVINE,
DEMANDS MY SOUL, MY LIFE, MY ALL.

The Great Bob Knight Debate

Ok if you don't watch sports news, here is a synopsis of what happened last night. Texas Tech coach Bobby Knight, a man famous for his temper, physically slapped one of his players who he had just pulled from the game for making a mental error. The player appeared to look down and away as he was being "instructed" by Coach Knight. In order to make the player look him in the eye, Coach Knight reached up and firmly slapped the players chin to pop his head up. The tag lines for this mornings sports shows went something to the effect of "Bobby Knight strikes player during game".

Now the question - should Coach Knight be punished or did he have a right to get the kid's attention. I see two sides to this story and here are my agruments for both sides.

Argument supporting Knight's actions:

Vitrually every HS basketball player in the country has heard of Bobby Knight and knows his reputation for over-zealous passion in college basketball. Coach Knight is a yeller and he has never been afraid to publicly berate his players or just do what it takes to get their attention (i.e. throwing chairs, punching scorers tables etc). This kid knew when he signed up for Texas Tech that Coach Knight would get loud and in his face AND that Coach Knight DEMANDS a high level of respect from those around him. There are several reasons why this incident should just fade into obscurity:

a) The slap was not a punch. Coach Knight saw a player who had lost his focus during the game and was not paying attention to his coach. Knight slapped him firmly, but not violently in order to "get his attention" as well as those around him. It worked as Texas Tech won.

b)This kind of incident happens across the country all the time between coaches and players, but because it is Bobby Knight, the media is making a big deal about it. He is a lightning rod for controversey so of course he is going to be criticized. But, never at any point was his player in danger of anything other than being embarrassed. Other coaches, grab players arms, chew players out, slap them on the butts or even toss towls at them as they march to their bench chairs. But nobody says anything about them.

Argument against Coach Knights actions:

Coach Knight has a history of violent behavior which has NO place in the sport of basketball ESPECIALLY at the college level where kids are so easily influenced. What kind of message is Coach Knight sending to kids by slapping them around? That if you slap someone it will get their attention and make them respect you? This is how wife beaters are made and it makes me sick.

Coach Knight is a disgrace of a human being for his foul language and violent temper. It would be a disgrace to the NCAA if such a man were allowed to continue to coach and break Dean Smith's record for NCAA Div I wins as Knight will almost certainly do this season if allowed back. No one should be able to tarnish Dean Smith's legacy by allowing a violent brute such as Bob Knight to break his record.

Furthermore, even if the players agreed to play for Knight, NO ONE deserves to be treated that way even if they think they signed up for it willingly. That's why there are anti-hazing laws and those laws should apply to college sports as well as fraternities. Coach Knight HAZES his players, no matter what they say and his reign of terror must be stopped.

As slick as cow snot

This got forwarded to me and you may have seen this list a thousand times, but I laughed harder than I have in a long while. In fact I laughed like an insane Rhino at a Where's Waldo convention.

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their
collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays.
These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers
across the country. Here are last year's winners:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides
gently compressed by a thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a
guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of
those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar
eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli, and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge
at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city
and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you
fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having
left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka
at
4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences
that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the
East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only
one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either,
but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land
mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender
leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with
power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells,
as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Pride is why I am single

Pride.

It is the downfall of both kings and fools. It goes before destruction and ruins relationships.

Or in my case, it prevents them.

This isn't to say my being single is all my fault. Oh I've had PLENTY of bad breaks and one in particular that has just about destroyed me, but my ability to recover from past disappointments is hindered greatly by pride. I hurt, but I have developed my identity around the idea that I am "damaged" and as such any opportunity I might have to move on is quashed by pride and fear of changing "who I am".

And when I say opportunity, I actually mean my ability to create opportunity. Opportunities RARELY just fall into one's lap no matter what the story books or Hollywood say. Real life romantic destinies are created by us, not merely experienced by us (see the movie "Hitch" for the Hollywood exception that proves my point). Knights in shining armor do not magically appear out of thin air and damsels in distress do not line up at our doors begging to be rescued.

So when I as a man allow my identity to become one who is damaged and broken, then my pride dictates that I DESERVE to have true love come to me, because I already DID my part for true love and was rejected. Part of this is human nature. If you touch a stove and get burned - don't touch the stove again.

Ok but practically speaking how does this play out? I live in Minnesota where it is rather difficult to get to know people due to the "Minnesota Nice" phenomenon, but not impossible. I would like to say I don't know anybody to ask out, but that's not true, I know a small handful of single girls. Even if I didn't I know where and how to meet others if I could get over my pride long enough to do so.

But as a case in point we can look back at the previous post. I called a girl several weeks ago and asked her out and she said she was busy? A blow off? I don't really know because she was legitimatly busy. So I waited a few weeks and asked again - this time I got "potentially busy" as an answer and was promised that she would "let me know" which she never did. A blow off? More likely but not necessarily.

In spite of this I still would like to get to know this girl better at the very least as a friend, yet I am strongly disinclined to ask her out again. Why? I answer because I don't want to be the guy who can't take a hint. Ah, now enters the pride. Well yes, I am sure that most girls do not really enjoy putting up with that guy, but until now my pride has refused to allow me to acknowledge the reality which is I AM NOT THAT GUY. Even if I ask a 3rd time and I still have not been told "no" then my pride may still be on the hook. And of course the minute I have a clear indication that my advances (which again keep in mind are primarily of friendship not romance) are not appreciated then I would back off never to return. Yet my pride tells me I am too good for this or that I shouldn't have to deal with a girl being "busy" twice (heaven forbid she should not clear her schedule for me after all).


Ok here is case study #2 - I know a girl who I have watched unfairly freak out in the past when guys have shown interest that was not mutual on her part. She is gorgeous both inside and out and is someone I would really enjoy getting to know better again, as a friend first. But I have seen her negative reaction in the past to guys I would consider to be really great decent guys. So while a part of me has wanted to ask her out for a while, it has not even come close to happening because I don't want to be the next guy humiliated by her over-reaction to being asked out. I perceive that she seeks the afore mentioned "knight in shining armor" and while I do have some measure of self confidence left I am painfully aware of the fact that I am not perfect, which I further perceive eliminates me from her consideration.

But perception and pride do go hand in hand don't they? I don't KNOW she would react that way. And even is she did am I to be so proud that I cannot handle that? Yes I do have to see her once or twice a month for work purposes, but how awkward could it REALLY be? Does the risk (or even probability) of even a little awkwardness and pride injury off-set the possible rewards (however slim I perceive them to be) of establishing a really great friendship or perhaps more?

Somewhere here there is a theological allegory to our relationship with our creator however I will pass that buck on to either Mike or Scott, should they be willing to engage that in a post of their own. Or not, but for now I am distracted by my pride in realtionship to the fairer sex rather than my creator (not in any way to suggest that the former is in any way greater than the latter of course).

So I am eager to hear what my readers have to say - should I put myself out there and ask either of these women out at the risk of injury to pride and the creation of awkwardness? Even if injury and awkwardness seem likely results?